The College Spy periodically welcomes guest blogs from other experts and thought leaders on topics we believe will be of interest to parents and students on the journey from high school to higher education. Today’s guest blogger is Andrea Malkin Brenner, PhD, a college transition educator, creator of the Talking College™ Card Deck, the original card deck of discussion prompts for college-bound students and their parents, and co-author of How to College: What to Know Before You Go (and When You’re There), a leading guide for college-bound high school students.

Good News, Parents: Lessons to Ease the Transition to College Can be Taught!

High school students who not only understand why it’s important to be self-sufficient in college but also know how to become independent decision-makers set themselves up to thrive in their first year of college. Researchers studying the transition from high school to college (as well as best practice suggestions from college mental health experts) explain that the skills necessary for a successful transition to college can indeed be taught, and parents can play an important role as educators.

Here are three areas where high school students can begin to build the adulting competencies that collegiate life requires, and suggestions for parents who want to help with skill-building:

1. Recognize that Seeking Help is an Important Part of “Adulting”

It’s difficult for many young adults to understand that asking for assistance when needed is an important sign of maturity. This is understandable given that our K-12 educational structure feeds the idea that smart kids “know it all.” As a matter of fact, when a high school or new college student is asked to define ‘adulting,’ they often respond that adulting means doing things completely on their own. But this is not true: help-seeking is a college-level skill, and campuses are ripe with resources for students comfortable enough to ask for assistance as they learn to function independently.

Parents can encourage their college-bound teens to search online and familiarize themselves with the various resources that will be available on their campus. These include physical and mental health resources from the counseling center, health center, fitness center, and wellness center; academic resources from the campus library, writing center, academic advising office, and from professors and graduate teaching assistants; and professional planning resources including the office of financial aid, the office of merit scholarships, and the career center. There are also specific resources on most U.S. campuses that support students with disabilities, students of color, international students, LGBTQ+ students, and first-generation college students. Many new college families are surprised to learn that the majority of support resources available to college students are already included in their tuition.

2. Master College-level Life Skills Before Heading to Campus

No one goes from dependent to independent overnight, and high school is a great time to acquire college-level life skills. Parents can play a substantial role as educators, but they should be reasonable about the pace at which they expect their teens to learn a large number of adulting competencies. Just a few of these college-level life skills that parents can begin to teach their college-bound kids include:

Professional and financial: keeping a budget, writing a professional email, booking plane, train, and bus travel, and using a phone to make an appointment or leave a voicemail

Food: prepping a simple meal, knife skills, comparing prices, reading nutrition labels, and understanding the shelf life of food

Identity protection: memorizing their social security number and keeping their personal information safe online

Health: treating common physical maladies, understanding medication dosages, filling a prescription, and the basics of health insurance

Tackling basic life skills for the first time while adjusting to all the newness of college will make the transition process even more stressful. A student who has made their own doctor’s appointment, done their own laundry, cleaned their own room, and gone to the post office to mail a package before leaving home will have an easier time when they engage in these tasks again on campus without the scaffolding of home.

3. Discuss In Advance What to Do When Things Go Wrong

Most importantly, first-year students should expect to make mistakes. Struggling with college-level study skills or new social situations is part of young adult growth and development. Showing resilience and knowing how to handle their responses when things don’t go as planned, can make a major difference in a new college student’s psychological well-being. As high school students prepare for the transition to college, it’s beneficial for them to engage in dialogue with adults before leaving home and make a plan for if/when things go wrong.

Some scenarios for parents to discuss with their teens include, “What will the student do…”

• if their wallet, cellphone, or laptop is lost or stolen?

• if they try, but just can’t seem to get along with their roommate?

• if a friend has passed out due to alcohol consumption?

• if they overspend beyond an agreed-upon budget?

• if they are struggling academically or even failing a class?

• if they feel unsafe on campus or at a party?

• if they feel that they are unable to control their thoughts or emotions?

College staff and faculty do expect first-year students to find the transition to independent living a challenging one. Rookie mistakes and poor planning are normative college struggles. However, by engaging in these discussion topics and beginning to build adulting competencies before arriving on campus, students won’t have to call home every time something doesn’t go as planned. Failing at something does not make a college student a failure, and knowing this is a huge step toward adulthood.

Andrea Malkin Brenner, PhD is a college transition educator and author who speaks frequently with high school students and parents on the challenges related to college transitions. She draws on her 25 years of experience as a college professor, as the creator of American University’s first-year experience program, and as the faculty director of AU's University College program. Andrea is the creator of the Talking College™ Card Deck, the original card deck of discussion prompts for college-bound students and their parents. The Talking College™ Campus Visits card deck (co-authored with The College Spy) and The Talking College™ Spanish Edition card deck will both be published in late 2022. Andrea is also co-author of How to College: What to Know Before You Go (and When You’re There), a leading guide for college-bound high school students. See AMBrenner.com for more information.