What My Banjo Has to Do With College Admissions

NEWSPAPER CLIPPING OF MICHELLE PLAYING HER BANJO

I can get kids to do things their parents can't get them to do.

I can convince a student who is terrified of joining a club to sign up. I can encourage a student to take a chance on something they don't think they'll be good at. I've helped students find the courage to advocate for themselves when something in their lives isn't working.

Parents often assume this is because I am simply "not the parent." And there is probably some truth to that. Developmentally, adolescence is a time for teens to differentiate and separate from their parents. They are supposed to be saying “no” to you while finding other mentors and friends to say “yes” to. But I also have another strategy. 

I tell stories.

Last summer, I showed several students a newspaper clipping of myself playing the banjo with a group of local musicians. (We get together every Tuesday to practice about 20 songs.)

It was on the front page of the local newspaper.

And here's the part that makes me feel a little uncomfortable: I don't really know how to play the banjo.

I've been a beginner for about 10 years, and I don't have much of an ear for music. I was nervous about joining the jam because everyone else was much more skilled than I was. I went that first day anyway because I wanted to participate.

Part of my job is encouraging students to get involved in activities, and sometimes they are reluctant, just like I was about learning to jam. Kids give me many reasons they don't want to participate in extracurricular activities, but when we scratch beneath the surface of those reasons, anxiety is often hiding there. Teens worry that they won't be good enough, don't have enough time or won't feel comfortable with the other students. By sharing my banjo story, I can show them that I understand these concerns. I also model that it's okay to be nervous about trying something new. You can feel anxious and do it anyway.

Another part of my job is helping students choose high school courses that will challenge them and set them up for admissions success. As senior year approaches, many students want to simply meet their graduation requirements. They ask if they can take an easier math course, drop a foreign language or pursue opportunities to arrive late or leave school early.

The problem is that colleges care about academic rigor. Students who challenge themselves academically are more impressive applicants than those who consistently choose the easiest path available to them.

When I was a senior, I didn't want to take AP English, even though I had consistently earned As in honors English and all my good friends were signing up for the class. Nobody told me that taking English 12H instead of AP English would not be impressive to colleges. Honestly, I didn't even think about that as a possibility. Now, as an expert in college admissions, I absolutely believe that decision affected my college options.

I share this story not only to explain why academic rigor matters in the admissions process, but also to let students know that I understand why they may not want to take the harder class. Simply telling a teenager that they "have to" challenge themselves can be a recipe for resentment. But if they understand why rigor matters and feel that I understand their reluctance, they may be more willing to make that choice for themselves.

Sometimes the best way to help a student feel understood is to show them that you have felt something similar. I know what it feels like to worry that you aren't good enough. I know what it feels like to look at something difficult and think, I really don't want to do that.

When students know that I understand their reluctance, they are often more willing to talk honestly about what is holding them back. And once we can talk about that, we can figure out what to do next.

Parents can do this, too.

Maybe your child doesn't want to try something new, work harder than they think they should or speak up when something isn't working. Before jumping in with advice, think about whether you have a story about a time you felt the same way. Maybe you were afraid to try something because you didn't think you'd be good at it. Maybe you avoided something difficult because you simply didn't want to work that hard. Maybe you knew something wasn't working but were afraid to speak up.

Tell them what happened, but more importantly, tell them how it felt.

Just make sure the story is real. Don't invent one, and don't pretend you felt something you didn't actually feel. Kids can see right through that.

How The College Spy Can Help

If you need help working with your student on planning high school courses and extracurricular activities, as well as building a college list and completing applications and essays, take a look at our Countdown to College package, which offers comprehensive support throughout the college planning process.

We also offer other packages and group workshops. Please visit the Services page of our website for more details.

If you would like to explore which options best meet your needs, reach out to Michelle McAnaney at michelle@thecollegespy.com to set up a consultation.

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